Monday morning started with an unseasonal chill in the air as I rode my motorcycle to work - little did I know my day would go downhill later - and the chill would spread...
I seem to have been ghosted by someone. Again. Re-ghosted? I don't think I 'get' people anymore. 😕 You think you are good friends with someone - gig buddies who can go out for drinks too and have an enjoyable evening. Countless messages, texts, voice messages and phone calls - often in touch more days in a week than not. Things are fun. 😄 On a night out in town for drinks and they are happily telling total strangers in bars how you have known each other for 18 years and 'like a load of the same stuff' like being WW2 geeks. They are telling you things like "I really value your friendship" and "I'm really glad you are in my life" - I felt the same way and I'm pretty sure neither of us were drunk. Just friends - nothing more, but we enjoyed each other's company and I found her fun and interesting.
So it came as a shock to find myself unfollowed, blocked, deleted, unfriended, calls not returned and generally ghosted after a misunderstanding and communication breakdown due to her getting ill - illness which I wasn't aware of due to not being psychic. So my friendship can't have been valued all that much? And after being 'really glad' I was 'in her life' I seemed to be ruthlessly removed from it. Those things which were said meant nothing? I have to confess I found it hard to understand that and deal with it - this sort of thing doesn't really happen to me. I take people at their word, and although we seemed to get our wires crossed and miss-understand each other I think I am still the same person I was before? It all shook me up quite a bit to be honest.
So nearly 2 years after being 👻 I'm getting on with my life and out of the blue I get a 'follow' request - from that same person. 😮 I'm surprised to put it mildly as I never thought I'd hear anything from that person again and didn't even know if she was dead or alive - in spite of my attempts to find out if she was OK? So of course I gladly accepted the 'follow' request. And although it was only just the one social media platform after we used to communicate on several different ones previously we seemed to be friends again even if in a limited manner, and that made me happy. And so for a few weeks we had fun and lighthearted exchanges - everything was good again.. 😀
Then something changed and we seemed to start getting our wired crossed and miss-understanding each other again. 😞 I think I am still the same person I was 2 or 3 years ago? Maybe one (or both) of us have changed? Or not, but I know we still have a lot in common.
So at some point on Monday I got blocked/ghosted again. By the same person. And when after that I got on my bike to go home from work I found my speedometer had stopped working. If I was superstitious I would wonder if someone put a spell on me? 😂
So, what really puzzles me is: Why after 2 years of totally ghosting me then reach out to me with a 'Follow request'? I was more than happy (if really surprised) to receive it but...
I'm confused. As usual. You mentioned (to everyone not at me in particular) on one of your recent pre-blocking social media posts something like 'If you have a problem with me then let 's discuss it' - but when previously I have tried to do exactly that you have said it's "Too much drama" and blocked me. And now you've done it again. Yeah - don't tell me - 'Get over it loser!'. Which would be kind of ironic as I have 'Born to lose' as one of my tattoos...
I won't pretend I wasn't hurt, but this business also left me really confused. It seems a bit one sided as I feel unable to defend myself - and I'm not the one hiding behind a VPN. So writing this seems my only way to deal with it - it's hard to write all this but I need to get it out of my system somehow. This seems to be my only method of expression left. I need to resolve this somehow and maybe writing this will help get it out of my system. Maybe I should write some songs about it? More songs that no one will probably ever hear but...
I really don't 'get' people anymore.
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